Two Shades of Dark

Two Shades of Dark

I have faith when I work with dark. I can’t see anything. I don’t know anything. I don’t know what will happen.

I am a receiver rather than a director. I am a follower rather than a leader. I am a catcher rather than a pitcher.

I am new to dark. I used to be like a hummingbird flapping my wings 720 times per minute. Dart from one thing to the next.

Now I am more like the Black-Eyed Susan, I sit and wait. I wait for the bees and birds to come to me.

I can’t know the dark. I have tried and it is exhausting. I think I know it and it is a joke.

I have to surrender to the mystery of it all. I have to surrender to not knowing. I have to surrender myself. I can’t see the dark.  It shines through my eyes.

This dark is where my creative genius lives. This dark is where my love springs from. This dark is where my light shines.

I used to live in the dark. But not the kind of dark I just talked about. For so much of my life I lived in a dark that covered my light. A dark that covered my love. A dark that covered my creative genius. This dark froze me. It had me walk around hooded with my hands tied around my back. A hydration backpack filled with fear for me to suck. I was scared and anxious.

I didn’t know that I was scared and anxious.  It was the pool of water in which I did my daily workout. Scared and Anxious were the ribbons that wrapped my heart tight.

I don’t know why I lived in a constant place of fear and anxiety. Perhaps it was because I needed to financially provide for two babies and a sick husband and it looked to me that I was in a world where the game was rigged. Perhaps it was because I had a target between my legs. Whatever the reason, my normal was fear and anxiety.

And then my backpack was switched. Instead of drinking my polluted fearful water. I got a taste of pure love. It was like drinking water from a cold stream.

When I drink from this stream I am spacious and open. I laugh. I feel a deep sense of peace for no outside reason.

When I drink from my fearful backpack I am the obnoxious toy monkey slamming its tambourines together.

As I settle into myself I deepen my awareness of the difference between these two darks. Same color but different realities.

What I see today is when I play with nature’s dark, I see that anything is possible in the light.

I am this black empty space. I can open the channel of myself direct from the source and let drops of beauty into me.

If you would like to explore and understand the shades of dark. Email me. It will transform all of your life for the better.