Listening to Self

Listening to Self

For the greater part of my life, I lived in fear.

Growing up, I soaked in a bath of fear. I came from a lineage of fearful women. Survivors. My grandmother and my mother were both single mothers, and as my circumstances have unfolded, I am now a single mother, too.

My mother and grandmother came of age in times when women didn’t have the opportunities to rise in the workplace that we do now — especially if we were also raising families. In my matrilineage, women had to be the support for our families, but the money-earning game was stacked against us.

When it was my turn to enter the workforce, despite forward movement for women’s rights, as we all know, the game wasn’t that much improved. I chose to enter Corporate America. But I didn’t have a stay-at-home-wife to take care of everything, so, for that, and many other reasons, that game didn’t work for me. While my male colleagues were meeting up for golf games on the weekends, I was rushing home to be with my children.

As a woman and the major breadwinner for my family, with a husband at home who suffered from debilitating physical illness and couldn’t provide for us, I struggled.

At a certain point, I realized I had to create a new game, one that filled my soul and heart, and allowed me to take care of myself, my family, and our home, even though I was afraid that this meant instability financially.

I had a moment of clarity: I was coming home from a business trip, I was on the Bay Bridge, stuck in traffic, trying to get to my son’s preschool to pick him up. I was late, my cell phone battery was dying. I missed him so much. My love for my child was so big. That desire to be with him, pick him up, and put him to bed, was so big, that I followed it. It was bigger than my fear. And it was the truth. The fear was an illusion.

I thought: There has to be a better way. And in that moment, it came to me, the desire to take a risk and start my own coaching business.

When we listen to our deep pain and sadness, the truth embedded there becomes a catalyst.

Once upon a time, women really did, I did… I wore pantyhose and a skirt and sacrificed everything to make it to the top. I couldn’t see it then — but, now I can — it turns out, I didn’t have to do that. I didn’t need to be afraid.

So, I took a risk. 18 years ago, I gambled on myself. I took money out of my 401K to support myself as I realigned my vision and my methods. I changed the way I attracted clients and ran my business. It took two years. And the shift worked.

When I became a coach, I was creating the opportunity for work that I loved. And yet, at first, I still created my business from a place of fear. I was trying to take charge of its growth, setting goals for a number of clients. It was a fixed mindset, and it wasn’t working.

If I don’t like the game I’m in, now I know, I can always create a new game.

I didn’t want to play the Corporate America game, so I created my own game.

That’s powerful.

When you truly get that fear is an illusion, then, you realize you can make anything up, including something good.

Today, when I focus on growing my business, rather than networking, marketing, or visioning from fear, or from a place of giving in order to get anything in return, I wholeheartedly give to people and see what happens.

No longer do I do anything to get something. I do it because it feels right.

Fear will stop you from being able to see possibility.

Fear will stop you from being able to feel your own desire for change

But there is a simple solution:

Once you understand that fear is an illusion, there is nothing to do. Your perception changes.

And then all energy, all possibility begins to arise from that awareness. Life force energy opens up all around you.


If you understand the nature of fear, and how it has operated in your life, and you are ready to operate from all-possibility instead, what would you like to create?