Insecure Thinking is becoming my new best friend.
How is that possible? I will tell you. I have found that Insecure Thinking is an illusion. A powerful illusion that seduces us into action or has us freeze into doing nothing. We all tend, actually we are compelled, to either freeze, or try to solve IT.
What is IT? That way that our minds can get strapped into a roller coaster, a story about how we are not good enough, not doing enough, we’ve caused something, we are the victim of something, we should have avoided something, NOW we are really sunk… whatever the story is, you can know it by by how IT feels.
IT has us feel all of these wonderful emotions: scared, anxious, nervous… there’s a whole host of emotions we can have when we are THINKING. We don’t like these emotions. We prefer not to feel this way, and we believe we are not supposed to feel this way.
Trying to solve Insecure Thinking is like trying to catch a ghost. You can’t do it. (Ghostbusters notwithstanding.) You cannot fix something that ISN’T THERE to be fixed.
Insecure Thinking is fairly unavoidable. Us human beings, we get insecure thinking just like we catch a cold.
Part of being a human being means, at some point, you will catch a cold.
If we understand IT, and if we JUST LET IT PASS, like a cold, IT will go through us.
Insecure Thinking arises as a protection mechanism. Your brain thinks it’s trying to help you, preventing disaster by keeping you “safe,” based on your experiences in the past, and projecting into a dangerous future.
Here is an example of a moment, recently, when I clearly saw IT in my own life:
As many of you know, my husband has Alzheimers and Dementia. For a long time now, I have been the full-time breadwinner, taking care of our home and our kids. My secret fear, my Insecure Thinking was this: I was terrified to put him into assisted living; I believed that if I did that, I would lose my kids’ love.
One day, I recognized that this thought was being produced by my brain, that it wasn’t fact. I didn't actually know what would happen until I did it. That was the truth. And then I saw that I would never lose their love, because I knew that I would always love them. They might be angry or hurt, but we would work through that.
It wasn’t until I saw that my Insecure Thinking was just thought, that I took action.
My kids reacted. My daughter (17) and my son (22) and I, we all fell down on the ground and cried.
My daughter was saying “You can’t do this! This is so mean!” My son wanted to keep his dad at home as long as possible. But at what cost? My husband’s illnesses had progressed to the point where it wasn’t safe for him to be at home. They didn’t like losing their father. It was bad enough to see him lose his memory, but this was the next phase of the loss.
They were mad and hurt. And it’s almost been a year since we moved him into an assisted-living facility, and we are all still close. They see their father often and we include him in our lives as best we can. The situation is sad. We feel sadness.
Insecure Thinking will pass if we don’t do anything about it; the less we do in reaction to IT, the faster it will pass. In fact, this is how you know it was Insecure Thinking. When you step back from believing it, and instead observe it from what one might call a position of presence, or love, it dissipates.
I have more people who come to me because they want to get rid of Insecure Thinking or because they NEED to do something about it.
Personally, I have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on programs, trying to fix myself.
And now that I know the secret, I simply feel my Insecure Thinking; and then it passes.
And the gift is inside the problem. Underneath my Insecure Thinking is this bright light. My wisdom. It turns out, each of us, we have all the wisdom of the universe needed to solve and handle whatever comes our way.
If our personal thinking quiets down, an insight will arise. What to do, the next logical step will arise.
Any human being who has been through a difficult life situation, something you’ve never faced or overcome before... You do figure it out, despite your fears of not knowing how, or not making it through.
But, the danger is, if you believe your Insecure Thinking, you won’t go after that new job, won’t seek out or create that true love relationship that works for you, you won’t move to a new place...
Understanding Insecure Thinking, getting clear on what it really is, gets you the “Get Out of Jail Free” card; this understanding is the all access ticket to the rides at the carnival, in the best way.
You don’t have to listen to your Insecure Thinking. You don’t do a damn thing. Just understand what it is and let it move through, knowing that it will pass.