My Relationship with Myself

I used to hate myself. I used to think I was ugly, fat, and stupid. I was cruel to myself.
I don’t know where I learned this, but it was how my thoughts and behavior treated me. I called myself names, berated myself, and told myself how horrible I was.

My first marriage was an out-picturing of my inner world. My husband, in his own way, showed me how I was treating myself. I left him because of the abuse—only to discover that I was the source.

Now, love is my guide. I am gentle with myself. I offer forgiveness and understanding. I have a wide berth for my humanity.

It began with Aikido. When someone grabbed my wrist in a moment of attack, I felt the constriction in my arm and chest. My breath shortened. My energy left my body. I was scared.

I gently brought my energy back into my body, softening and extending it as much as I could. This energy revealed itself to be love—kind, inclusive, and alive. I saw that what blocked my love was fear: fear of being hurt, abandoned, rejected.

When these moments arise now, I bring my hand to my heart and love myself there. I let the fear be.

Love has seeped into my body, softening me, transforming my once-arid inner landscape into a thriving, complex ecosystem of love.

Reflection

It wasn’t self-hate I needed to fix—it was love waiting to be remembered.

Invitation

Where does love want to meet you today?
When fear arises, can you soften toward it—even just a little?

Next Step

Book a conversation to explore how love wants to guide your own path.