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Thoughts, reflections, and letters exploring what it means to be human and our true nature.
When Your Heart Opens, You Know.
For weeks, I couldn't feel desire.
I kept trying to understand it.
I read about it. Reflected on it. Asked questions. Turned it over in my mind from every angle.
Nothing.
The more I thought about desire, the further away it seemed.
I felt numb.
What Do You Desire?
I've been reading The Way of Mastery, and one of its invitations has stayed with me.
Explore desire.
Don't try to fulfill it.
Don't judge it.
Simply become curious about it.
So, for the past several months, I've been asking myself the same question every morning.
What do I desire?
What Emotions Are.
I have been fascinated with emotions for most of my life.
Not because I understood them—but because I wasn’t allowed to feel them.
When my father died, we were told we could not be sad. We were told to move on, to be strong, to shut it down. And what I came to understand, much later, is that you cannot shut down one emotion without shutting down all of them.
So I did.
And then I became interested.
The Quicksand of Our Thinking
This morning, I set out for an early hike with a friend. We planned to meet at 7:30, but by 7:15, I realized I was running behind. I texted her that I’d meet her at the trailhead.
When I arrived, she wasn’t there. By 7:45, there was still no reply to my texts and no sign of her.
I assumed she had forgotten and sent one last message: “Sending love—let me know you’re okay.” Then I started my walk alone.
As I walked, I noticed a familiar swirl of thoughts.
I tried to be on time. Why didn’t she respond?
Then came the self-judgment:
Why am I annoyed? I should be more patient… more understanding.
There I was—in the quicksand of thinking.