How Feeling My Disappointment Set Me Free

It was Sunday. My partner and I were on our way to Limantour Beach.

As usual, I brought my Gene Keys book. It’s a ritual for me — I sit quietly and ask the book to show me what it wants me to see. I open it to a random page, and I trust what comes.

That day it opened to the 55th Gene Key — the one that explores Victim Consciousness and Freedom.

As I began reading, a single line stopped me in my tracks:

“True freedom is not an effect. It is an ever-expanding consciousness that arises spontaneously inside you as you come to understand how deeply victimized you are by your own core beliefs.”

I had to read it again.

Then I closed the book and just sat with it.

What does this really mean?
And more importantly — why does this matter in the middle of my very human, very practical life?

So I asked ChatGPT to help me unpack it.
This is what it shared with me:

“True freedom is not an effect.”
Real freedom doesn’t come from fixing your outer life — not through success, money, approval, or control. It’s not something you chase.

“It is an ever-expanding consciousness that arises spontaneously inside you…”
Freedom is an awareness — a spaciousness and peace that grows from the inside as you become more self-aware and present.

“…as you come to understand how deeply victimized you are by your own core beliefs.”
This is the shift point. When you start to see how much your suffering comes from the stories and beliefs you hold about yourself — like “I’m not enough,” or “I need control to be safe” — you stop identifying with them. You loosen their grip. And that’s where freedom begins.

That helped.
But I still needed to feel it in my body.

Insight is one thing — embodiment is another.

I began to see that thoughts are like ice — they feel frozen and solid at first.
But when I bring my presence to them, they begin to melt.
They become water — fluid, able to move through.
And when there are no thoughts at all, I am like vapor — open, light, spacious.

I saw, again, that my inner state has nothing to do with external circumstances.
And then, as life often does, it gave me a chance to live that truth.

We were still driving out to Point Reyes.
In my mind, I had a whole picture: we’d go to the beach and then have dinner.

But my partner wanted to eat first — he wanted lunch.
I felt myself tighten. Frustrated. Disappointed.
I didn’t want lunch. I wanted a romantic dinner by the coast.

And that’s when I noticed the picture I had created in my mind — how I wanted it to go.
I felt the disappointment. I didn’t override it. I didn’t bypass it. I opened to it.

And when I let it go — it didn’t matter anymore.
The exact order of things wasn’t the point.
We were together. We were outside. We had a beautiful time.

But the freedom didn’t come from getting my way.
Freedom was feeling my disappointment.
Freedom was feeling my frustration.
Freedom was letting go of my picture.

A Gentle Invitation

You might have your version of this.
A moment where something didn’t go your way, and it stirred up something more profound.
We all carry these silent expectations, these inner pictures, these beliefs that quietly shape our lives.

When you see them, feel them, and release them — that’s where freedom lives.

This is the kind of inner shift I help leaders and creatives make — not by fixing themselves, but by seeing clearly and coming home to presence.

And sometimes, it helps to have someone sit beside you in that process.

If you're ready to explore what’s beneath the surface — and to experience freedom not as a concept, but as a lived reality — I’d love to meet you.

👉 Schedule a Purpose Call