Knowing My Yes and My No

About two years ago, I was doing laundry when my daughter came in, upset.

A piece of clothing had gone into the dryer that wasn't supposed to. She wanted me to look at each piece before putting it in to check the requirements for every item.

I noticed my automatic reaction immediately. Are you kidding me? What a stupid idea. The reaction was real. And I noticed it. I did not act on it.

Instead, I told her that if that was her request, I would no longer do her laundry.

That did not go over well.

The Moment I Checked In With Myself

What I did in that moment was check in with myself. I got clear on what I was and wasn't willing to do.

I was willing to do laundry. I was not willing to sift through each piece to check its requirements. That was my no. And I knew it not because I thought it through or justified it, but because I felt it. A closing down inside me. A contraction. A quiet but clear signal.

I also felt my yes. I was willing to do laundry. I was willing to support her. If she wanted to sort out her special pieces and handle them herself, I would still do the rest.

These answers live inside me. They do not require justification. They just require me to slow down and listen.

What a Yes Feels Like. What a No Feels Like.

A yes to me feels like an opening. An expansion. A sense of ease.

A no feels like a closing. A contraction. Something tightening.

To hear either one, I have to begin with neutrality. Not preference. Not fear. Just openness to what is true for me. Either way is fine. And from that place, I can finally hear myself.

The power of having a relationship with myself is that I can discern the yes and the no. And act from them — even when someone I love is upset with me.

Two Years Later

She called me.

She was doing her laundry and realized she had forgotten to pull out two special pieces before handing them over. She said  If they are ruined, it is my fault.

I was blown away.

I thought about that argument two years ago. My clear no. It did not go over well. And here she was, two years later, taking responsibility for her own experience without being asked.

My boundary had taught her something I never could have taught her directly.

And what moved me most was that I still had a yes for her. I was still doing her laundry. Just in my way. And she could receive it now. The love between us had not shrunk. It had deepened.

Over laundry.

Knowing your yes and your no is the path to an honest, real connection. It doesn't create distance, but fosters genuine understanding—and allows relationships to deepen through honesty.

Where are you responding automatically, rather than listening for your true yes or no? What deeper connection could you unlock by pausing to listen first?

If you’re interested in exploring your own boundaries and personal growth, take my free assessment to see where you are in your journey. Visit annascott.co/howfreeareyou to get started.