Why Do Certain People Always Trigger Me? Understanding the Mirror Effect.

When Someone's Words Cut Deep: My Wake-Up Call

He was standing in front of me, yelling. My chest tightened. I wanted to disappear. For years, I called him abusive. I said he made me small. But the truth I couldn't see then? I was already small—long before he ever raised his voice.

Why I Kept Attracting Difficult People

I used to collect evidence against certain people—my first husband, a demanding boss, a client who questioned everything. Each one seemed to have power over me. My stomach would twist. My voice would go tight. I'd replay their words for days, building an airtight case for why they were the problem.

I remember sitting in my car after a brutal meeting with that client. She'd questioned my pricing, my timeline, my entire approach. My hands were shaking on the steering wheel. "She's impossible," I said out loud. "She doesn't trust me. She thinks I'm incompetent."

Then I heard it—the voice underneath. The one I'd been listening to for years: You're not good enough. You don't know what you're doing. You should have done it differently.

Her voice wasn't the problem. It was just louder than mine.

The Mirror Effect: Everyone Is You Pushed Out

When I discovered Neville Goddard's concept of "everyone is you pushed out" and Richard Rudd's 18th Gene Key, it wasn't new information—it was permission to see what I'd been avoiding. Rudd writes:

"All judgment is really self-judgment. The more we judge others, the more we are rejecting parts of ourselves."

The people I was struggling with weren't my problem. They were my mirror.

I started paying attention. Every time my husband's tone felt harsh, I'd pause and listen to how I'd been speaking to myself that day. You forgot again. You're so disorganized. Why can't you just get it together? The criticism I heard from him had been playing on repeat in my own head for years.

How to Stop Being Triggered by Others: The Turning Point

One morning, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror after another tense exchange. My reflection looked tired. Small. I put my hand on my chest and said out loud, "I'm doing my best." My voice cracked. I said it again. "I'm doing my best."

It was the first kind thing I'd said to myself in months.

I stopped waiting for anyone to soften. I stopped needing validation from the outside. Instead, I started treating myself the way I'd been begging others to treat me—with patience, with gentleness, with the benefit of the doubt.

And slowly, everything shifted. Not because I demanded it. Because I embodied it first.

What Happens When You Accept Your Reflection

Today, I am loved the way I love myself. I am met with kindness because I meet myself with kindness first. The mirror reflects what I've finally made peace with.

The people who challenge us most aren't here to punish us—they're here to reveal us. When we stop resisting what they're showing us and accept the disowned parts of ourselves, the war ends. We become neutral. And from that neutrality, we can finally choose love.

Try This: A Simple Practice for Difficult Relationships

Notice one person who stirs something in you—irritation, judgment, discomfort. Then ask softly: What part of me am I seeing in them? What have I not yet accepted in myself?

See what shifts when you stop resisting the reflection.

Work With Me: Explore What Your Relationships Are Revealing

If you're navigating a difficult relationship—at work or at home—and want to discover what it's revealing about your inner world, I'd love to explore this with you. https://calendly.com/annalscott/purpose-call