Can We Ask Each Other for What We Want?

“No,” my daughter said.

I had asked to borrow her car. Mine was with my son, and I wanted to pick up a favorite cup I’d left at a friend’s house and stop at the grocery store. My daughter was home from college for the afternoon. Her car was right there.

“It’s a mess,” she said. She didn’t want me to use it.

I started to push. I only needed it for a little while. Then I heard myself making a case and stopped.

What I wanted mattered to me. What she wanted mattered to her. And I want a relationship where we honor both.

So I let her no stand. The cup could wait until tomorrow. I still needed groceries, so I asked if she would go to the store for me. She said yes.

I could have kept arguing for the car. Instead, I listened to what she wanted and got clearer about what I needed that day. That gave us another way forward.

I know what kind of relationship I want with my daughter, and with the people I love. I want us to know what we want and be able to ask for it. I want us to listen to each other’s answers and consider them when making our decisions. I want to move towards a r harmonious solution. Sometimes we’ll find an easy solution, as we did that afternoon. Sometimes we’ll need to keep looking.

Knowing what kind of relationship I want gives me something to return to when I’m tempted to push or give in. It gives me direction while leaving us free to work things out together. I invite you to decide what kind of relationship you want with people in your life. See what happens.I would love to know.