The Difference Between What Happened and the Story I Made It Mean

After we hung up the phone, I noticed a strong feeling move through me. I checked in with my heart and stayed with what was there.

First came resentment — resentment that she could travel, that she could get up and go while I felt stuck here.

Underneath the resentment was jealousy. And underneath the jealousy — something I wanted. To travel. My emotions pointed to something real.

But there was still no peace. Something deeper stirred. So I stayed.

Then the word arrived.

Abandoned.

And with it — a memory. Seven years old. My mother has left the country for three weeks. I am staying with my grandmother. I do not feel safe there.

I felt it.