Futile

I found myself inside an emotion I didn't recognize. It wasn't despair. It wasn't fear. It was something new.

For a year and a half, my business had been in a season I didn't expect. I kept telling myself to stay open. Stay trusting. Stay generous. Nothing shifted the way I thought it would.

I was sitting with Sarah McCrum. She invited us to notice what was present. That's when it surfaced.

I tried different names. Hopelessness came close but didn't land. Helplessness — too familiar, wouldn't settle.

Then the thought arrived, simple and flat: Nothing I do makes a difference.

It hit like a dull bite. That's when the word came.

Futile.