I opened the refrigerator door.

I already had a salad. The first desire was simple: What could I add to this?

My eyes saw the goat cheese.

And then, not a thought, an image arrived: baked goat cheese with this salad.

I felt it.

Not in my head. In my body. A kind of yes that was unmistakable.

So I followed it.

For weeks, I couldn't feel desire.

I kept trying to understand it.

I read about it. Reflected on it. Asked questions. Turned it over in my mind from every angle.

Nothing.

The more I thought about desire, the further away it seemed.

I felt numb.