Grace

I went to pick up the iced teas my daughter had ordered for us. When I got to Peet’s, the order wasn’t ready. I texted her and asked if she had placed the order at the Fruitvale store. She texted back immediately and apologized. She had placed the order at the wrong store. I texted one word back: Grace. Then I told her I would swing by the Lakeshore store, pick up the order, and come to her apartment.

My daughter and I have been practicing giving each other grace when one of us makes a mistake, says the wrong thing, or misunderstands the other.

Grace makes room for us to be human with each other and to enjoy each other more.

This morning, my partner didn’t see an oncoming car. He swerved and then slammed on his brakes to avoid hitting another car. When I saw the car we nearly hit, I screamed and spilled my iced tea all over my sweatpants. My partner asked if I was okay. I took a few deep breaths and let my energy settle. I told him I was fine. We didn’t get into an accident, and we drove home.

Later, he thanked me for my grace. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I wasn’t mad at him. It was an accident. I knew he didn’t mean for it to happen.

Not everything that goes wrong in a relationship means someone is wrong.

We are human. We make mistakes. We forget things. We misunderstand each other. We get scared. We say things we wish we hadn’t said. Grace gives us room for that. Grace doesn’t mean we don’t take responsibility or talk about what needs to be talked about. It simply means we don’t have to turn every mistake into a judgment about each other.

And something happens when we stop doing that.

We relax with each other.

We don’t have to defend ourselves or be perfect. More room opens up for connection, laughter, and enjoyment. Maybe that is the gift of grace.

I can be human with you. You can be human with me. And we can enjoy being human together.