Not-Knowing: A Pathway to Renewed Connection

When we think we already know someone or something, it can get in the way of true connection.

When we think we know who a person is, we think we know what is going to happen.

We tend to fix people into our knowing, and that is basically when the relationship ends: the minute we think we know what will be.

Even when we know the person to be wonderful, this doesn't allow anything new to come in. To be in wonder and curiosity about the person in front of you is to allow magic to continue in an evolving relationship. Ask yourself if you are willing to see something new. Rather then standing in judgement, the key is to be open and stay in the unknown.

Always be in wonder and curiosity about who that person is in front of you, and you will be able to experience connection on a deeper and ever-renewing level.

Yesterday I worked with a client who is struggling with her relationship with her sister.

I asked her to try to envision how they could get along and begin to relate. How could she bridge the gap with her sister?

 She responded with doubt, saying there was no way, and that they were too different.

 I had her pause and get really reflective.

She saw two birds fly by and sit together on a wire, and all of a sudden she had a new thought.

She said “Oh, I should just allow her to be her and me to be me,” and then she welled up and started crying.

She got out of her knowing and all of her thoughts around what she thinks the relationship should be, and when she did she could feel all the love for her sister.

Now, she is the person who had the vision. I didn't have to tell her anything or give her a special technique. It was simply her being in the not-knowing, and waiting to see if something new would come in. When we are in a state of not-knowing, relationships can be transformed.

If you are struggling with a relationship, please feel free to call me, I’d be delighted to discuss with you.