I resent my husband for getting old, for his relationship with our daughter, for getting sick, for not working and for leaving me to support the family. I resent him for being an introvert, for his disruptive sleep habits…Most of all, I resent him for losing his memory. ** Whew! There you have it. And, I didn’t even realize I was this resentful until just a few weeks ago.
I was sitting in Peet’s coffee on Piedmont Ave. with my colleague, Jerry. We were talking about a recent trip I’d taken with my husband to Atlanta. He was being inducted into the SEC Football Hall of Fame. Jerry could sense I was upset and asked me “What’s going on with you regarding your husband? What’s true for you?”
When I prepared to reply to Jerry’s question, I used this practice:
1. First asked my head, “What do I think is true for me?”
2. Then I asked my heart, “What do I feel is true for me?”
3. Finally I asked my belly, “What do I believe is true for me?”
I asked myself each of these questions then sat quietly and waited for a response. As a general practice, when the truth comes from the heart and belly the response is usually in a word, a feeling or a sound.
For some reason, when I asked myself about this particular situation I began to feel one strong emotion well up. What was that singular word which came up? Anger. It was like I’d just opened up a hoarder’s garage door -- instead of boxes and boxes of stuff, I had boxes and boxes of anger, resentment and hurt. Just because I hadn’t felt them before didn’t mean they weren’t there. I just hadn’t had access to the emotions until this moment. Now I understand why I wouldn’t want to experience them: They were difficult and scary.
I invite you to ask yourself, "What is true for me?"
The same question Jerry asked me is a favorite question that I ask my clients: What is true for you? I love the power of this question, for when you know the truth, you can make a change. Until you know the truth, you cannot make a change.
For me, as with many of my clients, it can be painful to feel what is true. It can be overwhelming. Part of me wanted to run from this truth, to close the doors and pretend that the resentment was not there. Just seeing the truth is like the Salvation Army coming in and taking away half your garbage.
The time was right for me to begin clearing out the resentment. That is why I could see the truth. I was ready to do the work to clear it out. The funny thing is, just seeing the truth and acknowledging it is half the cleaning. How crazy is that?
Have faith in the process. I am in the process of clearing out the rest of the emotions. I trust my work, so I know it can be cleaned out. Just like the hoarder and her garage, if I work on it a little bit at a time, it will get cleared out. Honestly, I can’t wait to get this cleared out, because I know what it feels like to clear a space out: It is freeing!
If you want to feel spacious in 2015, if you want to know your truth and clear out the clutter, please give me a call. I am ready to help.